I am moving forward. I am going to come out of this twice as strong as before. I’m already halfway there
A little while ago Fran told me about her cousin in Florida that bought a 10 acre farm. A couple weeks ago she suggested moving down there for a little while. I think I want to. I think for the summer it would be a good move and I could get the chance to breathe that I’ve been craving for a couple years. I would get a part-time summer job. Pay for what I needed. Other than that I could...
Everything is out of wack right now. Emotionally physically spiritually … I’m screwed at the moment. I can’t decide what the fuck I’m gonna do
God I feel sick. Fuck.
I cannot keep fucking doing this. Something has to change. I cannot keep feeling like this. This hopeless. This pointless. This unwanted. I’m unraveling faster than ever. I can’t even cry anymore. It is useless.
I should have kept the baby. I should have gone through with the pregnancy. I would have a 2 month old baby in my arms right now and you would be beside me. It would have been hard. It would have seemed impossible. But we would still be together.
I have so many conflicting things going on in my head right now. Way too frustrating
Falling hopelessly in love sucks. Because when that love ends for any reason. You never truly get over it. Ever.
I stupidly went back in my emails today because I was bored at work. Never again. I found shit that creates my personal hell. Why did I do that to myself. Stupid.
Difficult is an understatement. This life gets harder and harder as the days pass. Why? I have no idea. Well I sort of do. Its getting close to what would have been our two year anniversary. Its getting closer to when I would have had the baby. Fall reminds me of when we first met. I’m homesick and he was my house. But… I’ve moved and there is no going back. I don’t want...
Today is a lonely day. I’m not sure why. I had a great day yesterday with Jon going to Harpers Ferry and walking around. I got some great pictures and we saw a lot. :) It also scares me how comfortable I feel with him. I know its because I’ve known him for so long and I’m feeling lonely but, he is a great guy so it’s kinda hard not to feel comfortable. I just am not...
All I want is to love and be loved. I’m too impatient for this lifetime. Every morning I wake up and the smallest part of me hopes that its the day I meet someone who I will fall hopelessly in love with. I don’t want the drama. I don’t want the insecurities. I don’t want the immaturity. I just want a man. A gentleman in every sense of the word. Maybe I should travel....
This one may prove to be promising. Yes we have only had any kind of relationship over the phone because he is in New York and I’m here but… from what i’ve experienced? It is definitely promising. I’m excited for when he comes home :) I just want to hang out with him. It will be nice after all this time talking and texting on the phone.
I am incredibly lonely. I wish I had a guy to snuggle with and make me feel safe again. That’s probably the worst part about being single.
It’s so insanely hard to put a smile on for everyone when all I want to do is be held.
Why couldn’t you give me what I asked. I loved you so much. So much it hurts.
It’s so interesting looking back at previous posts and seeing what I was really saying. Realizing what the true issue was.
Men and their pet names. Smh.
Being home literally gives me a stomach ache and I have no idea why. I guess too many memories. I cannot give into the loneliness I have been feeing. The helpless feeling that makes me crave an arm around me. The loneliness that makes me want to curl up in someones arms and fall asleep. I wish there was a switch that I could flip from missing him, to simply not caring. I dread going even...
Can't have the best of both worlds. Clearly.
Why can’t you just keep your opinions to yourself. Why is that so hard? Did I ask for it? No. Have I ever asked for it? No. I really love how both my parents feel the need to tell me how to live my life over text message. Of course its too hard face to face. Of course. Is it so hard to ask yourself. Should this be a conversation we have in person? Should I wait until I see her to bring...
Don’t try. Do. Be a badass Christine.
Just keep breathing
And now is my time to fall apart.
I do love him. and I do love us. But am I more afraid of being alone? Is that the real issue here?
My nerves are so shot. 5 minutes.
I feel so helpless. I feel like I’m suffocating in my own body.
I am trying so desperately hard not to lose it at...
I keep seeing his face in my thoughts. I keep wondering if I’m going to be doing the right thing by breaking up. Can I hold my own? If he tries to talk me out of it will I give in and give yet another chance? No. I have to hold fast. I need to learn to live my own life and love myself first for once. I have to do this. I have to be strong.
I’m back again writing about a soon to be depressing time in my life. I’m done being treated like an option. I’m a woman. and I want to be treated like one. Yesterday is the day I decided its time to end it. I’m unhappy and its time to change that. So today is the day i break up with him once and for all. I deserve to be treated extraordinarily. And I’m tired of...
Depression changed me way back when. I used to be careless, forthcoming with everything I thought about. but now? I’m so guarded, so limited with who I trust. I used to adore writing how I felt, and was good at it. But now I write and I feel that it is a thing of the past. That it was only with Riley’s presense that I wanted to write like I did. Interesting how different people make...
I feel like there is something missing in my life. Spontaneity? Excitement? Drama is in excess so I know it’s not that but what is it? I cannot seem to put my finger on it. I’ve been working so much lately that I’ve really had no time for anything else. I’ve been seeing my family more, riding again, and earning money. I thought that would be enough but for some reason...
There was something so sexy about waking up snuggled up next to you.
It’s a little weird the things I think about. For instance, I frequently find myself thinking about sam and what he would look like with our new born baby in his arms. The thought always gives me butterflies. Happy.
Easy Three-Week Printable Workout
backonpointe: Week One Week Two Week Three This is the best set of printables I’ve ever seen. Week One is all yoga and light strengthening, Two is designed to build strength, and Three focuses on burning fat and increasing endurance. There are pictures to show you each exercise, and a weekly plan to show you when to do what. You need to check these out.
I never thought this was where I’d be at this point in my life. I thought I’d be surrounded by friends. I thought I’d be in Virginia Tech. I thought I’d be happy. But the thing is… I’m not. I’m not happy. I’m extremely lonely. I’m hurting so bad and I don’t know how to escape it. I’m afraid I will never be the someone I wanted...